'I needed someone to light that candle of hope'

Read the story below as Bryan Lund, Project Legacy tutor, Legacy Academy volunteer and facilitator of the Writer’s Workshop, shares the journey of one Project Legacy participant in her own words. This story will remain anonymous and is shared with permission.

“I encountered Project Legacy in a time where I didn't think that I had much hope of ever getting an education, or getting out of homelessness, or getting on my feet; I just didn't have hope for that. I thought it was something that I was unable to do for myself. I had to take a lot of time to think, ‘Okay, well, Do I want help? Do I not want help?’ 

Choosing help was the best thing I've done recently. 

When I was joining Project Legacy, I had so many things going on... I couldn't even put on a list. I was drowning without hope of getting out in the water, just expecting to stay there. I was resourceless, hopeless, and directionless beforehand. I needed somebody to point me in a direction and I needed somebody to give me resources along the way. I needed someone to light that candle of hope. 

Initially with Project Legacy, just having somebody to talk to and have a group setting of people that were also struggling in the same way was so important. And is so important.

We have been (I say we because everyone helps me with this) working on my mental health. That has been huge. Just having someone to talk to and help me process, going to therapy, all these different things. Having a support system and having real, real conversations about real life. 

Having someone say that they hear me and they recognize that me struggling isn't my fault. It isn't something that I asked for. Being able to ask for help in any area that I needed. It was tailored to what I needed, rather than just having everyone in the same box. Having somebody actually hear me and consider all the things that I'm saying as valid. This is an integrative program that can really build up close personal relationships. Establishing that first was really important and something that I, myself, and a lot of people need. It all flows together so well. It feels so natural, the flow of how everything is done. 

I'm really trying to get a hold of my housing and food assistance, establish a good credit score. I don't want to say tasks, but the things that a lot of people who are poor don't do, like insurance, getting good groceries, fixing credit, going to the dentist.... things I have been too overwhelmed with life to even think about. 

Now I'm able to think about those things. 

I want to enroll in school this next year. And I want to have a serious support team and system so that if I ever did find myself struggling again, I would have people to turn to. I want to be able to save money and be smarter at budgeting. Be able to move out on my own one day.

I've always wanted to go to school for something that was going to help people, but I didn’t go to school. I've found that every time I think about enrolling in school, my anxiety and mental health just kind of tell me that I can't. But I really want to go to school to be a dermatologist, which is something that I really want to help people by doing. 

I have this dream to have my practice and be natural with it, to help people alternatively. I also really want to travel one day. I want to bring my practice and help people that need it and can't afford it. Like, helping someone wherever I go. It's like a really far out dream that's gonna take a lot of years, but I just have this dream that once I start school, it's just gonna keep flowing. Whatever direction it takes me, it takes me, but I want to go to school so I can help people. They will come to me to get help because I'm trained and because I have that experience in school, they're going to put their trust in me. That's why it's so valuable to me to be able to go to school. I really love learning, I love having that kind of structured learning and accomplishing goals and acing tests - putting my energy towards something that's gonna get me somewhere else.

I don’t have doubt. My anxiety has doubt. I personally don't feel that doubt. But all this stuff going on in my head is so much. I think that my belief in myself has grown because other people believe in me and vocalize that to me. My ability to know that I've got this mental health thing, that it doesn’t got me. 

Sometimes when I'm alone, it just really feels like it's just me and my mental health shit. When I'm surrounded by other people, it feels like we're all working towards acknowledging it and helping me move through it. It's a huge barrier, but I don't think any of those things are going away, like my depression and my anxiety. I don't think that any of those things are getting better or easier. I want to word it as: I do have more confidence that I’m going to get through. I do. 

I feel more empowered to help other people. I feel that in me so overwhelmingly. I've always been called to help people. This program really showed me that I want that for my future. That's where I want to be, but I can't find any balance….I don't feel like I'm like helping anyone right now except myself. But that's the only way that I'm gonna be able to help people, I think. I've tried to be a support system for my friends and family. It's like right now, I literally can't even listen to people, like, venting sometimes because it's overwhelming. I'm trying to get to a place where I can help people. I know I have that in me naturally. I’m just someone that wants to give and help others more than myself.

You have to heal yourself to heal other people. That's how I put it. 

I've always felt, deep in my heart, that I have a purpose and want to help people, but Project Legacy really reminded me. They help me feel like I have a little bit of stability for once. I want to say I'm less stressed - it's hard for me to like navigate the line between stress and anxiety. I don't really know the difference, because I've always felt both of them. That's was before. Now, I feel less stressed. My anxiety is still there, but the stress is going away, which is, like, actually crazy. I didn't know there was a difference.

If someone was struggling to survive and feed themselves, I would tell them that it's a hard choice to make, to get help. But if you make the choice to get help, it can be the catalyst that can send you right on your path where you're supposed to be.”