'It feels like I've stepped into my purpose' - Alex's Story

Read the story below as Bryan Lund, Project Legacy tutor, Legacy Academy volunteer and facilitator of the Writer’s Workshop, shares Alex’s journey, Program Coordinator for Project Red Umbrella, as told in her own words. This story is being shared with permission.

“I was first introduced to Project Legacy through Karen's Facebook, because Karen's daughter is one of my best friends. We became friends on Facebook, and I just saw the awesome work Karen was doing. I was intrigued from a distance at first. 

We had chatted a couple times, through Facebook, and she was so sweet. For two years, since we have been Facebook friends, she knew I worked in a club, and she knew just a little about me, really not that much. She would text me every month and just see how I was doing. I just thought she was very genuine. Her reaching out to me was always super personal, and it didn't seem forced. In hindsight, I’m realizing she was kind of waiting for me, in a way. 

One day, she texted me, and I had just had enough of the club. 

I’d seen things about Project Legacy, like the writers workshop, but I hadn’t ever even fully clicked on the website. I just had to rely on the way she communicated with me as a person, outside of Project Legacy, and more as a friend. I thought that was awesome, but I never imagined that there was really a place for me in Project Legacy. I thought it was more for younger kids and youth of color.

I also have never been the type to really feel like I need help or seek out help. When it was finally offered to me, I realized I really did need help. And I didn't even know it.

It was during one of our monthly check ins. She just said, ‘Hey, how are you? Haven't chatted in a while.’

For some reason, even though I actually had never met this woman in person, I just felt like she deserved my trust. I felt inclined to tell her actually what was going on with me.

And at the time, I was so fed up with the club, I started working at a dog food plant, because it was just the first place that would hire me. It was disgusting. I was literally handling 50 pound packages of meat and freeze drying that. It was just so gross. I was mopping up blood for $12 an hour. 

I told her, “I left the club, I'm fed up with it, and I'm working making dog food. It's not really ideal, but I need to pay my bills and I just can't go back there.’

We just started talking, and somehow she knew that my license was suspended. I had some stuff going on with that. And she asked about health, figuring that out and fixing that. I took the help. I was extremely grateful and, honestly, blown away. Even if that's all I would have gotten my life would still be a lot different.

I don't actually have my license back yet; I'm still waiting on some legal letters and documents back from Colorado, but I've done everything on my part.  Project Legacy provided me the opportunity for help with this legal stuff, just understanding it and financially paying off these tickets that I just couldn't do on my own. It's from, like, six years ago, and it just stopped becoming a priority. I felt like I was in a little too deep. Like it would be really hard to dig myself out of that hole.

I've been driving beater cars, because I can't actually finance a vehicle, because I don't have my license. It makes a difference in where I can commute to. The risk and fear of the police - that scares me. Especially while I worked at the club and would leave at 3:00 a.m. A couple times, I did get pulled over and like, was terrified I was gonna go to jail or something even worse.

I've always told myself when I'm able to not be riding dirty, and have a new car, and can transport myself safely, that I will feel like I'm on to the next chapter. That's been for years before Project Legacy. 

I kind of just embraced the program fully. Karen told me, “No strings attached, I'll help you with this and I know that this will be for a good reason in the future.” But I learned more about Project Legacy and became in love with it. I read the message and I wanted that for myself. I did want my life to look different. I want to break these cycles and just be better. I wanted to be better. So that's what happened.

Taxes. I'm getting help with that. This is four years of taxes that were filed improperly... it's just so much. I don't even know how much I made, to be honest, like I just need a professional. Once I get these figured out, I can eventually apply for student loans and grants.

I have a reading evaluation coming up because I’ve always struggled with reading, unless it's something I really, really enjoy. I always kind of thought I was dyslexic basically, but I've never had an actual evaluation for it. So I have that coming up. That'll just be a huge relief to know even where I'm at. Sometimes I am the type to get down on myself. So it’ll either tell me I’m not as bad as I think or offer me the tools to help me get better. I'm excited about that.

Another thing that was really huge was getting my health insurance. I haven’t had health insurance in10 years and I haven't seen a dentist. I had acne from wearing stage makeup and sweating in the club. I was really self conscious about that. 

It really just changed my mindset. I just felt like there was hope. Like I'm not in such a deep hole, like I can start with where I'm starting and fix these things in my actual body that need to be fixed. 

Circles are monumental. They made me feel like this was a safe space and were such an encouragement for me to keep going. Karen was so sweet. At the time, I joined, there wasn't a St. Paul circle, and there weren’t Zoom circles. So she would drive up and have one on one meetings with _____ and myself, and just talk with us and buy us lunch.

I had been in Project Legacy for 11 weeks when I got asked if I would like to be on staff and involved with Project Red Umbrella. I wasn't working at the dog food place anymore. I had started a job at a seafood restaurant. And I kind of liked it, but I wasn't making very much, it was definitely better than making dog food. But it wasn't sustainable and I was very passionate about what Karen was doing. How it initially started, though, was I asked Karen if I could tell my best friend about what we're doing and if she could be involved.

We've gone through every stage of life together, whether it was crazy, or we danced together; all that - we started at the same time.

I felt like this was huge for me and it was bad if I didn't at least ask. I really wanted to go through Project Legacy with her. So I asked Karen and she said, “Of course.” 

My friend was already planning to come out and visit me. Karen asked me to pick a spot in St. Paul for a circle. I picked a park that I loved, and some girls from Rochester drove all the way up to St. Paul just to have our first circle in this beautiful park. 

I think that sparked the idea of forming Project Red Umbrella.

I got to come up with the name for Project Red Umbrella. That was very personal for me. I wanted to do right by my community, because I really do love my community. I am still happy that's the way I chose my life path. I wouldn't be who I am today, I wouldn’t be able to do the work I'm doing. I just think it's an underserved community that deserves resources, and love, and hope. 

I was dancing for nine years, and I had no idea what else to do with myself. And that's scary. So I want other people to be able to feel like they have a way out.

The name took a lot of thought and research. I wanted it to sound like what it was. Sex workers know the term ‘red umbrella.’ It's kind of common for advocacy. It's a thing. 

For me, this has meant a lot of personal and professional development. Project Red Umbrella also serves people who have been sexually exploited or trafficked. I didn't want to take that lightly and I know it comes with a lot of baggage and heavy stuff. So I did a lot of trauma-informed therapy, classes, and workshops, and survivor-led workshops with people who have been sexually exploited. Informing myself and educating myself so that I can do this with knowledge and in a professional, loving way.

I plan on staying employed with Project Legacy and going to school to become a social worker. My feelings are completely different than they were.  I'm focused on myself and all the things I want. I'm not letting anyone else's negative energy affect me, which I used to. I feel really empowered by the work I'm doing. Even before I'm in school, I feel like I'm making a difference.

I've always been the person who is trying to make something better for the people I love. I've always been kind of a stabilizer in my family and personal relationships. For example, I was doing medical relief after the George Floyd protests. I’ve always been a person who cares deeply and wants to make a difference. I did make a difference before Project Legacy. But now, it's so fulfilling to see the way I can help change lives. 

I get a lot of hope and fulfillment watching people become healthier and happier. And, obviously, doing the same for myself, first and foremost. But watching people be so directly affected and feeling like I'm really making my difference in this world…sometimes this world seems so messed up. 

But working with other people doing what they can to make it better, we can make a difference. Today, I feel impactful. It feels like I’ve stepped into my purpose.”